I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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