fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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