She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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