I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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