Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
