votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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