Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
