The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Houston, we have a squirter
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
