At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
