Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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