I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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