i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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