Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
