see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
