Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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