Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize