I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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