Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
