What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and she was petting her beer can
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize