I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
