how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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