8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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