I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
