I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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