my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
