They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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