I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
