All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
