Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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