Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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