my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
