Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
