his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
