I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
