Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
