I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
