I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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