So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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