If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
