Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
