I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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