...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
