There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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