I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
