fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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