I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Still dying that you shit outside
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
