none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
