I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
