Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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