Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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