Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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