fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
