i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
