Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
