I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
