he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
im on a boat
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