I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
