im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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