I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
