Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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