literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
