i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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