i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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