I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
