Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
