Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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