I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
