do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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