i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i barfeds in our rink
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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