How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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