...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
