think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
