The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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