Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
