There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
