Welp...herpes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize