my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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