God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
