I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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