So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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