Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
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