How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
