Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize