All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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