I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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