I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
