I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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