you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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