Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My vagina is officially offended.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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