before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
