Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
