I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
