yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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