Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize