So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How external is "for external use only"?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
