You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
