we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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